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6.10: Examples and Pitfalls of Thesis Statements

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    The following are good examples of strong thesis statements.

    Thesis statement 1

    To plan and fund healthcare, local health networks are better at improving the patient experience and access to care than a large central body.

    Thesis statement 2

    Positioning clients with acute respiratory distress syndrome in the prone position increases ventilation and decreases mortality rates.

    Pitfalls to avoid with thesis statements

    Now that you have learned about strong thesis statements, take a look at four pitfalls to avoid when composing a thesis, as described in Table 6.2 and illustrated in Figure 6.5.

    Table 6.2: Pitfalls to avoid with thesis statements

    Pitfall Example of weak thesis statements

    Simply declaring your subject or describing what you are about to discuss.

    My paper explains why experience is more important than knowledge.


    Making an unreasonable or outrageous claim or insulting the opposing side.

    Provincial governments should double the amount of money that is given to hospitals.

    Stating an obvious fact or something that no one can disagree with.

    Hospitals should employ nurses.

    Making too broad a statement.

    Healthcare services are important to preventing disease.



    Figure 6.5: Pitfalls in thesis statements


    Student Tip

    Use of the First Person Perspective in a Thesis Statement

    Even in a personal essay that allows the use of the first person perspective, your thesis should not contain phrases such as in “my opinion” or “I believe.” These statements reduce your credibility and weaken your argument. Your opinion will be more convincing if you use a stronger statement, such as: “As per the evidence, I argue that shifting money to preventative healthcare is important to reduce hospital healthcare costs.”

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